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bereavement

I have an 8 yr old son who is really struggling to deal with my 14 week old grandsons death last year he has had councilling etc and now being referred to camhs as they think he is suffering with depression i am really struggling to deal with his out bursts etc has anyone else been through this with a child or know of any support groups for parents dealing with this
Thanks

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Kitty inactive
Sorry for your loss.   I heard about this organisation through the internet: 

http://www.griefencounter.org.uk/

I hope they are of some help.

K
Roy M
Hi Sue W. Many years ago, I used to visit children who were dying from cancer in The Leicester Royal Infirmary. Wards CH1/2/3. Often I spoke to their brother's or sister's. Children are not silly, you have to explain it to them in such a way as they understand. Example-. If we have a toy, or a television, a washing machine, a motor car, anything  that doesnt work properly, we have to send it to the menders to have it mended.                            ( Hospital ) If it cant be mended, it has to go back to the manufacurer ( maker ). They seem to accept and understand this explanation and their loss better. Sometime's better that us grown-up's. I am really sorry, I remember seeing a Mother who was reading a book at the side of the bed just waiting and i felt so helpless unable to do anything about it  So sorry.Roy x
Tom R
Hi Sue,
                                                                                                                                        
May I say I am also sorry for your loss. There is never a right time to lose a sibling, no matter how old or young.  

From personal experience I lost my son, Josh, on my birthday. At the time his sister was eleven, slightly older than your grandson I accept, but my wife and I kept her informed of everything that was going on regarding Josh's death right up to and including the funeral service and attending his grave. (Apparently it is supposed to help some children have closure and this was our daughters personal choice?)

Of course our daughter was up set and withdrawn at times, following the death of Josh, but we allowed her to grieve at her own pace. What we didn't do was stop talking about Josh. He was, and remained, so much part of our lives it didn't seem natural to suddenly stop talking about him. In addition, we informed our daughters school of her loss. For their part they paid just that little bit more attention to her during the early days, which I am sure helped.  

It now seems somewhat simplistic sitting here jotting down my recollections but every time my daughter felt down, or had the occasional outburst, my wife and I would make the time to sit down and just talk to her. We would remind her of how much happiness Josh brought into our lives and how he was needed in heaven to share his happiness. Oh yes, and he was still looking down on us all and probably having a good chuckle at our expense.

I am sorry your grandson had such a short life and whilst I did not know him I am sure he must have been a fighter with a character to boot and very handsome. These are the positives your son should dwell on. 

There will undoubtedly be difficult times ahead because death of such a young child is not easy for anyone to comprehend, and probably less so for a child who does not even have a reason to ponder it. As I recall the vicar at Josh's service saying, 'Josh wasn't gone, he was just in another room upstairs'. 

As they say, 'time is a healer'. Your grandson maybe gone, in the physical here and now sense, but his memory can and should go on and in time I am sure your son will be able to overcome this difficult period in his life.

Finally, if you consider counselling is the way forward then by all means try it but our daughter was happy to do things with her parents in the memory of her brother.

Best wishes,

Tom.
Sue W
we involved him with everything including going to the funeral as he wanted to go and his dad and i discussed it and decided it might help him with the process of bereavement  we talk openly about my grandson and we take him to the grave whenever he wants to go i sit with him whenever he needs it and we have explained that he is a bright star in the sky and watches over him to protect him sadly he has nightmares and is afraid to go to sleep at night he sat in the doctors an told them he thinks of ways to kill himself because he wants to go to heaven with my grandson i was heartbroken and spoke to him about this and explained that i would be very sad and upset if i couldn't see him everyday and cuddle him etc sadly depression runs in our family an both sides we also think it has brought his own mortality into question as he was born very premature and he has asked why didn't  he die if he was really poorly as a baby and it wasn't fair he lived and my grandson didn't 

thankyou for your messages much appreciated 
sue
JT
Hi Sue, I am sorry to hear that your son is having difficulty dealing with his feelings about this.
Have you looked at Nelsons Journey website, I hear they are very good at helping youngsters struggling to cope with bereavement. Here is the link

http://www.nelsonsjourney.org.uk   I hope it may be of some help to you

JT

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